Why the procrastination you ask? As a cancer survivor, you always worry the cancer is going to return. I don't care how optimistic and hopeful you are. Worry is part of the 'new normal' of life. It doesn't matter how good I look or feel, that little voice inside my head has a negative attitude. Truth be told, every time I have to face results of a scan, I'm scared to death. I think other cancer survivor's can understand me when I say, facing results is horrifying. Most people don't have to think about their mortality the same way a cancer survivor does. Top off the fear factor with a worrisome scan, and your adding fuel to the 'already' blazing fire.
Last year was one of those scary scans that brought me to my knee's. The scan revealed two small spots on my right lung. (The same lung that had cancer removed in 2004). I've had worrisome scans before, but for some reason I couldn't shake the feeling the cancer had returned.
Sweat beads multiply on my forehead as I Sit--Waiting--for the Reaper. She comes in and asks, "what are you so worried about? your scan is beautiful." "Not only are the two spots gone, she says with a smirk, you've graduated to yearly scans for maintenance."
I left her office- Thursday, January 29, 2015-nearly skipping-head held high. On this day- the negative voices in my head are silenced as I strut down the hallway of the hospital.
